Like that you-can’t-go-faster-than-the-speed-of-light stuff. Please. If you’re travelling at the speed of light, just go faster. It’s not hard.

Yes, eat the willfully ignorant. Just use good table manners.

If all men were brothers, the inbreeding would be scary.

Somebody tweak his nipples!

This obsessive, arcane book is an example of everything that is wrong with legal scholarship. Other disciplines have simple, easy-to-understand citation systems, but not law. Someone should do an analysis of the people who have worked on this book to see how many of them have gone mad.

I used to have an internal modem, but it made me walk funny

In India, “cold weather” is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

I need more sleep, i have a 4-5lb creature who is trying to kick my intestines out of my body, small woodland creatures seek shade under my boobs and I am more personally acquainted with my toilet seat than I ever needed to be.

It was like James and the Giant Peach but with a sinister twist.

…it’s more like a haunted double-wide with a redneck who says “Boo! I scared you!”