I’ve become a firm believer in lawyers. They’re a lot like cocaine; other people using them
seems at best annoying and at worst destructive, but when you’ve got one you feel invincible.

It’s not that bad. I can barely see the evil Dienst-shaped scars that cover my body. In the dark. With my eyes closed. Other than that, they’re still pretty visible, complete with ocasional glowing puss and a strange humming/moaning/chanting noise.

It will never get better. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t upgrade to the new version.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Acting is merely the art of stopping a large number of people from coughing.

Last night you were, unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me.
…Do it again.

User has gone mad. Phone works fine.

Life suddenly made much more sense, the day I fully grokked that people are stupid.

In my spare time I have been attempting to construct an Eskimo sentence in my basement, such as will be suitable for the season. I have not got it perfected yet, but it is coming along pretty well, and with a coat of paint or two it might pass for the genuine article. So far I have: kaniktshaq moritlkatsio atsuniartoq. When completed, this sentence will proclaim: “Look at all this f-ing snow.” At present it means: “Observe the snow. It fornicates.”

Some mornings it’s not even worth chewing through the leather straps

Well, the Verizon technician is here. I think he’s burning sage in the network room