I’ve become a firm believer in lawyers. They’re a lot like cocaine; other people using them
seems at best annoying and at worst destructive, but when you’ve got one you feel invincible.

Computer games don’t affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away.

When you’re faced with one of Life’s little crises, take the time to sit back and ask yourself WWCD (What Would Chthulu Do?). The answer could change your life.

Doing My Part To Piss Off The Religous Reich

After all, I’m just a member of the oppressive patriachy, dedicated to keeping females barefoot, naked, and in the wiring-closet, right?

I managed to out-cool even the disgustingly cool people normally found at the cafe I went to, without trying. I’m assuming it was the IETF draft I was reading, because nothing else really accounts for it.

I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.

Stand and fight, you misbegotten spawn of the perverse breeding between a pixie and a squirrel!